In consideration of the epilogue...

At this point, it should be clear that there is not going to be a part 2 to my entry about The Academic. At first, I planned to wait until I was at a point where I felt like I could write about it effectively (even if not rationally). I'm definitely not where I was in February, so the topic isn't difficult to discuss and I'm definitely able to identify things that I sh/could have done differently, and things I needed him to do differently. But now, I just don't feel like it. It's not because I don't feel like writing (my last several entries demonstrate that isn't the case). I really just don't feel like writing about that. Here.

A handful of friends know the sad details, and an even smaller amount know the follow-up (which is still in progress, I suppose). Beyond that, it's something I want to keep relatively close to the chest.

The most I will say is this: it was an epic situation of bad timing. And what I thought I knew or had come to understand ended up mostly being wrong.

All of that said, he and I are fine. And we will be fine. Understanding that something that feels right simply isn't going to work out is a blisteringly surreal experience. I knew I wouldn't get over him easily, and that it would take awhile. There's no surefire way to move on. Do you give in to your feelings and ride the wave until you wash ashore? What if you can't see the shore for miles? Do you consider rekindling something that YOU ended with someone else just to have a distraction? Maybe he has changed. Maybe there will be less bullshit. What about dating others? Maybe you're ready to jump back in, but do you even feel like it? Do you try to avoid feeling and thinking about this person altogether? Can going cold turkey be effective?

I tried all of those things. They didn't quite work because I was looking for a timeline. I wanted to know when I would stop caring. But the fact of my life is that I won't stop caring. And it's not that I'll care any less about him. I just can't do so actively while also hoping to move on. I have to tuck away those feelings somewhere.

And that's that.

"There's always one that gets away. The one that sneaks up on you that slips away. In a closed-off corner of my heart, I'll always see your face. The one that got away."