Another Valentine's Day...

I am an unabashed romantic. I love love. Wholeheartedly. I accept it in its many forms, and believe in its power to heal and save. And so, I've always loved Valentine's Day. Even while single. Even while dating someone who completely failed to acknowledge it when we were together. Heavy, over-bloated commercialism aside, I support any opportunity to tell someone you love them; that he (or she) matters more than he will ever know. I love Valentine's Day because I believe in butterflies. I don't believe any of us should settle for anything less than butterflies (h/t to Carrie from SATC).

That said, this year's Valentine's Day is particularly difficult in light of the last few weeks, the details of which I'm not ready to share or discuss in such a public forum. While it can occasionally be fun to commiserate with other single friends, I also think such commiseration reeks of lameness. Because I don't hate love. And I don't think anyone should have to hide their love to appease the bitter hearts of single folks around the country. So, today, on Valentine's Day, if you don't think you have someone to love, you're wrong.

You have yourself.

808s & Heartbreak

It's feeling like you've been punched in your chest. It's the memory of your face against his, of his hands around your waist, and dissolving into tears because it hurts to remember. Memory as pain. It's more than desiring comfort food... it's the loss of appetite. And it's constantly reminding yourself that there will be rainbows in your life again. Rainbows. Soon.

***
i spent so much energy
building a fortress around your name
that i forgot to protect my own.
raw skin exposed,
weathered and taut.
my heart, this organ,
is left collapsing under the weight
of my disappointment
in you.

***
little black book.

all of these names,
and inexplicably,
the only one that has mattered
is yours.