the bajan went on vacation to the dominican republic last saturday. he is scheduled to return today. before he left, he asked that i give him a recent picture of myself, since we wouldn't be able to meaningfully communicate while gone.
this is the first time where i really feel the absence of a person of the opposite sex who is not a family member or a friend. it has only been a week but it feels like ages since i've spoken to this person. i suppose in the past i wouldn't have let myself get to this point. i was perfectly content staggering conversations and interactions - never wanted to get too close.
where did that girl go? does she promise not to come back? this feels more honest...
full disclosure: i'm slightly apprehensive about his return. here i am missing him, but what if he had a change of heart? this is the longest we've gone without speaking to each other - our contact is usually daily. this is super new. either of us could walk away without leaving the other very hurt. either of us could meet someone else at any time.
neuroses. but i'm going to roll with them.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Killers: True Love
We took a back road, we're gonna look at the stars
We took a back road in my car
Down to the ocean, it's only water and sand
And in the ocean we'll hold hands
We took a back road in my car
Down to the ocean, it's only water and sand
And in the ocean we'll hold hands
Thursday, March 3, 2011
pops.
NEXT DAY UPDATE: my dad was TOTALLY right. i love it.
my father knows about the bajan. he has known about him since day one, and is clearly invested because he wants to make sure his only girl is happy and treated well. my father and i have certainly had our ups and downs over the years. our low point took place between 2005-2006 where we didn't speak for a year. it was a cold war. and i was done with our relationship (then my brother died, which changed everything).
we haven't been able to find much common ground. he's not as academically-oriented as my mother is, so we haven't been able to discuss school (though this is getting better). i'm not into sports, so that's completely off the table.
but we do have my dating life. up until now i've been very very hesitant to involve him. i just didn't think we had that kind of relationship. during those few months with the academic, however, he seemed to take more of an interest in my life. his ears perked up. advice started flowing. he seemed to take on the role of dad, and not just father.
i'm feeling a little uncertain about things with the bajan, so i called my dad for advice. i've spoken to a few friends about this week and the inexorable onslaught of my neuroses, and they've all given solid, sanity-inducing advice. but my dad is the only one who really spoke to me. as a father who wants to see his daughter shine and be happy. and also as a man who has been around the block, and knows how male minds operate. i go to him before i go to my mother. that would have been unfathomable in the past. why would i have needed to tell my father anything? certainly then there was no need to share anything with my father, but now, i rely on my dad in unexpected and fulfilling ways. in these unexpected ways i rely on the man who is the source of so many of my issues. it is this that makes me think i'll be okay; that i can heal, and thrive in a functional relationship with another human being.
after 26.5 years, i think i'm finally my daddy's girl. or perhaps i've always been his girl, but he's finally my daddy.
full disclosure: he also bought me a pair of madison harding shoes.
my father knows about the bajan. he has known about him since day one, and is clearly invested because he wants to make sure his only girl is happy and treated well. my father and i have certainly had our ups and downs over the years. our low point took place between 2005-2006 where we didn't speak for a year. it was a cold war. and i was done with our relationship (then my brother died, which changed everything).
we haven't been able to find much common ground. he's not as academically-oriented as my mother is, so we haven't been able to discuss school (though this is getting better). i'm not into sports, so that's completely off the table.
but we do have my dating life. up until now i've been very very hesitant to involve him. i just didn't think we had that kind of relationship. during those few months with the academic, however, he seemed to take more of an interest in my life. his ears perked up. advice started flowing. he seemed to take on the role of dad, and not just father.
i'm feeling a little uncertain about things with the bajan, so i called my dad for advice. i've spoken to a few friends about this week and the inexorable onslaught of my neuroses, and they've all given solid, sanity-inducing advice. but my dad is the only one who really spoke to me. as a father who wants to see his daughter shine and be happy. and also as a man who has been around the block, and knows how male minds operate. i go to him before i go to my mother. that would have been unfathomable in the past. why would i have needed to tell my father anything? certainly then there was no need to share anything with my father, but now, i rely on my dad in unexpected and fulfilling ways. in these unexpected ways i rely on the man who is the source of so many of my issues. it is this that makes me think i'll be okay; that i can heal, and thrive in a functional relationship with another human being.
after 26.5 years, i think i'm finally my daddy's girl. or perhaps i've always been his girl, but he's finally my daddy.
full disclosure: he also bought me a pair of madison harding shoes.
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