i had a very awful december. awful. and it seemed to cement the crappiness of 2010, and my overall poor luck with men. except now, i feel as if it provided a source of renewal in this crazy, inexplicable way. i remember having a conversation with my friend veronica* about an overall decline in my happiness over the last couple of years, and a general feeling of cynicism towards life and love. more than feeling strengthened by experience, i felt hardened and hollow.
a couple of months later i feel the strength that i thought was missing. i'm not a vessel of corrosive negativity. i am much more. and i feel it every morning when i wake up and i am grateful for my friends and family, and my capacity to love.
i made a few decisions in december and january. i decided to trim the fat and pour out the grease. it is not that i am too old for that shit...
i am simply too precious for that soul-clogging nonsense.
and breathe.
*name change
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