pops.

NEXT DAY UPDATE: my dad was TOTALLY right. i love it.

my father knows about the bajan. he has known about him since day one, and is clearly invested because he wants to make sure his only girl is happy and treated well. my father and i have certainly had our ups and downs over the years. our low point took place between 2005-2006 where we didn't speak for a year. it was a cold war. and i was done with our relationship (then my brother died, which changed everything).

we haven't been able to find much common ground. he's not as academically-oriented as my mother is, so we haven't been able to discuss school (though this is getting better). i'm not into sports, so that's completely off the table.

but we do have my dating life. up until now i've been very very hesitant to involve him. i just didn't think we had that kind of relationship. during those few months with the academic, however, he seemed to take more of an interest in my life. his ears perked up. advice started flowing. he seemed to take on the role of dad, and not just father.

i'm feeling a little uncertain about things with the bajan, so i called my dad for advice. i've spoken to a few friends about this week and the inexorable onslaught of my neuroses, and they've all given solid, sanity-inducing advice. but my dad is the only one who really spoke to me. as a father who wants to see his daughter shine and be happy. and also as a man who has been around the block, and knows how male minds operate. i go to him before i go to my mother. that would have been unfathomable in the past. why would i have needed to tell my father anything? certainly then there was no need to share anything with my father, but now, i rely on my dad in unexpected and fulfilling ways. in these unexpected ways i rely on the man who is the source of so many of my issues. it is this that makes me think i'll be okay; that i can heal, and thrive in a functional relationship with another human being.

after 26.5 years, i think i'm finally my daddy's girl. or perhaps i've always been his girl, but he's finally my daddy.

full disclosure: he also bought me a pair of madison harding shoes.